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Tuesday, October 03, 2006

The 24 sexiest Kenyans……


I happened to overhear a discussion in a cybercafé over the weekend between two trendy, sublimal and urbane ladies who were chatting with some guy online. The gist of the conversation was to the effect that the October 2006 issue of True Love magazine carried photos of 24 sexy Kenyans, and wow wasn’t it great, at least they could now pursue Tom Mboya. Naturally, curiosity got the better of me and I got itchy. I could not even settle down anymore and had to shoot off an e-mail off to some lady to please bring her copy to the office on Monday! So yesterday I rushed to the office and read it all, and to say the least I felt let down. All my excitement waned and I felt belittled to say the least.

The general dictionary definition of the word sexy is ‘arousing or tending to arouse sexual desire or interest’. Off the cuff, this term is generically concerned with sex, although there could be the meaning of being excitingly appealing like ‘a sexy new plasma TV’. However, I understand that this magazine is targeted at the ladies and this list appears to have created some murmurs judging by my colleagues here, mostly of approval although, as usual there are a few naysayers, yours truly included.

To the publishers of True Love: Nice crusade you've got going on in your latest issue. You know, I never say anything about someone until I've had the balls to say it: Now this listing probably creates additional revenue for you, but it also takes up my valuable time as I have to write messages like this, and your readers probably get ticked off over wasted money and effort, unless they live in the same hallway of yesteryear like you.

Here is my take on some individuals on the list, and I welcome your views as well. I have mentioned some of the 24 (not Jack Bauer’s 24, sorry to disappoint you) and proceed to give my take on the individual and you can correct me if I am wrong (please) or share all the juicy details you have stashed up s’where, or just tell me what a scoundrel I am!

Tedd Josiah: He who of the Blue Framez Cinema fame and brought Vipi to our visual tubes, and the same guy who awarded himself Kisima Awards when he was the organizer, is now one of the sexiest Kenyans around. Putting Tedd Josiah at the beginning of a list of sexy Kenyans is a symptom of the start of another useless listing. Reality shows us on a daily basis that schemes designed to fool Kenyans out of their hard earned cash are on the rise and will only increase, so am surprised that the publishers of True Love have resorted to this. This is not the serious work of an entertainment writer. Tedd Josiah may be one of Kenya’s most successful music producers (remember Audiovault, Sync Sound and now Blue Framez??) But I have my doubts whether he is one of the sexiest. I’ll let the ladies point me in the right direction, coz am probably headed in the opposite, well groomed he is, but is he sexy?

Emma Too: I know most of you are probably giving yourselves the thumbs up that at least she is here. Well, please check your calendar and you’ll notice that this is the year 2006, and she has been around for a lot longer than you believe. When she first appeared on the scene, she was one helluva looker alright, and downright sexay, but in 2006? Please. They’ve listed her as a Landscape Surveyor, and I must admit I do not know what profession that is, star counting? Recording cloud speeds? You tell me.

Waweru Njoroge: No comment. OK one line: Dear Waweru: Don’t feel proud mister, you are supposed to have a job, go to work, go home, spank your pet cat, then go to bed, not tell us you are self-employed and a consultant whilst you got sacked.

Misiko Andere: This is that chubby faced lady who presents Art Scene on KTN. Looking at her picture on True Love, I noticed that she has a tattoo of a dolphin on her …wait for this…left leg! On the shin to be exact. I know you are saying that being sexy is one thing, and being good looking is another, well I agree, but there is no way you are to be labelled sexy if you are ugly and chubby, unless you give everyone a demo. Nuff said.

Angela Angwenyi: This is probably her payoff for winning the Kenya Night series ( I hear she never got her cash prize), but they also tricked her to wear a black and red turban and she’ll look like India Arie. Big mistake.

Tom Mboya: Wipe of the smile from you face young man, and understand that in order to be relevant to all viewers, you need to be consistent with the pronunciation of English consonants. Financials are pronounced [/fɪˈnænʃəl, faɪ-/ Pronunciation Keyfi-nan-shuhls] and not [fee-nan-shuhls] man, and stop relaxing your hair; it has a bad effect on the otherwise superb studio lighting at prime time. One evening I watched you seated next to Sophie Ikenye and you seemed more petite than her!

Lorna Irungu: I have to ask you to forgive my language on this one, or you stop reading. In my 28 years on this earth I have never felt such true emotion being expressed in any form like the time there was a detailed discussion on some lurid pictures that were doing the rounds on the net. Some guys were very convinced it was her, and were like why did she go to some white guy's place if she had a good idea what men are about and what they like. She’s probably mastered the art of sleeping with her eyes open by now. She looks downright ugly and fat in the magazine, and although she still retains that killer smile that got many guys talking in the early 90s, she has no business being on a list of sexy people in 2006. Sure Lorna, we’ve all seen young ladies like you in Nairobi that got their way in everything but you are no longer good enough to get into anybody’s A-list, least of all bed, but it still seems you still think you got game.

Esther Arunga: That’s DJ CK’s newest teen &^%$£, and she sounds good and sexy on radio alright, but she looks a whole lot different, like something out of kids array of toys. In shaggz.

Ojay Hakim: That’s a fashion designer in Nairobi according to the caption. He looks too fatherly, and I guess this is a feeble attempt to appeal to elderly readers. Well, that’s all good, but for your information, elderly readers would probably want to see the likes of a fresh form four leaver with freshness all over him, not some measly moustachioed jackaroo being called sexy.

Debbie Asila: Now this is one I don’t understand. Here is a Beyonce wannabe, complete with a grumpy weave (that covers her forehead and has some braids at the back, yuck,) being masqueraded as sexy.

Regina Re: Now this is one woman who has a commanding presence, and I do not really know if she’s got sex appeal guys. I think she just has those magnetic effects on an audience that cannot necessarily be interpreted to be sexy. If she’s on this list, then Cathrine Kasavuli should be on it as well.

Others on the list are: Caroline Wainaina, John Alan Namu, Thaddeus Jude, Lillian Muli, Morris Odumbe, Doris Anjalo, Ian Ochuka, Florence Machio, Marcus, Michael Oyier, Nameless, Hussein Mohammed and Susan Kaittany.

Notable Absentees: DJ CK(!), Julie Gichuru Butt, Swaleh Mdoe, Leo Faya, and please add your own!

Some of the individuals named above deserve it, but my point here is that a publication risks a lot in engaging in rating how sexy Kenyans are. Rate the musicians, politicians, sportsmen and women and call it that, but saying Kenyans? No way. All the people we meet on the streets are Kenyans and sexy in their own way. I am sure you’ve all seen someone who’s sexy, and you still see them everyday, and they are not on that list.

Some of you bloggers and avid readers (who’ve waited for this lame post, sorry Unyc, Pekiro Princess, Quintessence for the disappointment, I’ll share my September travels shortly) are probably wondering what business I have reading a women’s magazine, but that is all good, sometimes junk gets to you in one way or another just like spam (I spammed those ladies conversation anyhow) . This post is not intended to ridicule or belittle anyone. Instead, it should be a timely reminder to the publishers on how lame they are and those on the list who, in my own personal opinion are not sexy and have no business being on the list, and accepted to be.

55 comments:

Udi said...

LMAO- Wapi Kenyas version of FHM?

Anonymous said...

1.I do agree that Ted is a good producer but that is where it ends.
2.Emma Too - Is she still the same looker she was?I doubt but since I havent seen here in some time, I wont talk.
3.Angela Angwenyi - What does she do to earn a living?Can't remember how she looks at all!Damn EAstandard for pulling the plug on pulse on us!
4.Lorna Irungu - Seems the list maker was blind.
I do concur there are some names on this list that do not merit being there at all!
Oh well seems being famous makes up for that.

StackOfStiffys said...

@udi: LOL! Thanks for checking me out, and yenyewe we need an FHM hukus.

@Acolyte: Thanks for checking me out once again! To give credit, Emma still looks good, but not Kenyan top 24 material, in a country of 30 million +! Angela Angwenyi is a radio presenter on Kiss 100, and she had won a talent search dubbed 'Kenya Night' that used to be held at K2. Poor Aco, I thought I was the only one feeling the pinch of the pulse plug!

Quintessence said...

MAN...ROFL, it seems sexy is as sexy does...LOL...ta for keeping me on toes for NOTHING man...lol

Leo Faya said...

Darn,

Didnt think I would miss out on being one of the hottest, sorry is it sexiest list of Kenyans.. Or Maybe because I am not a Kenyan.. ehhh!!! ha ha ha

Thanks for the input, I enjoyed it.

Bruce Odhuambo was missing too, akina Joe Mwamburi ama they too old school now???

Cheers.

StackOfStiffys said...

@quintessence: thanks for the comment..LOL..., your kind of post shall follow, this list just ticked me off!

@Leo: Thanks for stopping by! You are more Kenyan than you'd like to believe. Too bad about Joe, I think he'd fit in the top 24, but I have my doubts on Bruce.

Pekiro said...

Stiffys, i doubt the ratings! To say sexy Kenyans! You can only rate sbody as sexy when only u ve had sex with him/her. I wonder if the writer of the magazine has had sex with all those 24 Kenyans! The better option could ve been, top 24 hottest Kenyans.
Furthermore, all those are not even the hottest Kenyans of 21st century, there time which 20th century is long gone.

StackOfStiffys said...

@pekiro: Tell 'em!

Shiroh said...

Now i feel like doing a whole post on this one!!!
I am an avid reader of True Love but the sexiest Kenyans got to me

Do you have to be a News presenter to be sexy???

Left out

Former Miss Kenya's
Juliet Achieng
YOLANDA MASINDE (how now?)

And of course
Me,Me,Me

Catherine Kasavuli (Mama never grows old)

The lawyer by name Otiende Amollo (guy is hot)

Felt bad about

Debbie Asila
Angela Angwenyi
Tom Mboya
Lorna Irungu

They are not sexy.

Prousette said...

I was terribly disappointed by True love this month -an am an avid reader.

Being sexy must have changed meaning for the people that are featured would not pass for the definition I know.

Half 'n' half said...

You must understand that kenyan magazines have finally run out of things they can say about caroline mutoko (and her sister), lorna irungu, Pinky etc. basically they have interviewed the same people a thousand times so they have to get a new angle.

Now onto the List:
Bad about:
Waweru Njoroge, Lorna Irungu, Ted Josiah.

Felt good about: None of them

Angela being on the list just got to me because she is such an annoying presenter, always giggling and talking nothing sensible.

Esther I have never seen her but she starts speaking before a song is over.

Now Stacko, sexy is not about being thin or fat or young or old. sexy is in the attitude.

MIA: Cess Mutungi (LOL)

Pekiro said...

Shiroh, leave alone news presenter...do u ve to b in entertainment industry to be regarded as sexy? MMMM, sbody needs to take those True Love editors to Koinange str. at nite to c for themselves the most sexy Kenyan ladies. A twilight gal have to b sexy..no i don wanna use this word..it shuld hot...in order to get well paying clients. I refer those as the sexiest Kenyans.

Unyc said...

I hv read ur comments and am shocked at Pekiro's. To be sexy u must hv sex with them? Thats downright lame!!! Am appalled coz even my 10yr old sis knows that.

As 4 the list...ngai fafa, what the hell were they thinking? Angela, Debbie, Lorna, Ted.....where is Styles, Pilipili, Andrew Siro........thank God Miss Muppet (acolyte...hehe) is not in that list.

Am getting a copy of True Love n am gonna write back 2 them!!!

Pekiro said...

@unyc: Don get me wrong, think of this...what do u think of a whole mp is caught hunting for one in this street (Kay). PS:2003, mps n ministers caught red handed soliting for sex in Kay str. Don u think they r the sexiest Kenyans if men 4rm all walks of life can go there?

Shiroh said...

Pekiro i would never agree that to consider someone sexy you must have sex with them. No!!!

Definition from the Free Dictionary (They could even have looked at the definition here)
Sexy
marked by or tending to arouse sexual desire or interest; "feeling sexy"; "sexy clothes"; "sexy poses"; "a sexy book"; "sexy jokes

The word Sexy was just now appropriate. As everyone has said "Hot" should be and even then is Debbie hotter than Rabbo or Shinde?

Or Lorna than Yolanda Masinde?

Shiroh said...

Oyunga Pala must be losing it seeing he is one of the persons who did that analysis.

gishungwa said...

The oyiers brothers aiiii mami and JUde is also sexy that is the model dude. the oothers are just gas....

Anonymous said...

since when was working for the media or being famous taken to be concomitant with sexy ... in the USA celebrities are cute for reasons i can't yet put my fingers on ... but in kenya! Nah

StackOfStiffys said...

@Shiroh: I totaly feel you on this one, seems am not the only one that got ticked off! I think I should a link to the publishers, strting with Oyunga Pala!

@Prousette: They definitely have their own definition of being sexy, and it probably has s'thing to do with the either the media, entertainemnt, fashion or thing just trendy.

@half 'n' half: Most definitely they have ran out of ideas. It always happens that you run out of things to publish coz you are aware of your readers' expectations, but running out of ideas and pushing run-of-the-mill articles to your readers is jus lame. I agree with you that being sexy is just an attitude thing, because it all about how one carries themselves and whether they are at peace with their mojo......

@Pekiro: Depending on your tastes and perception, even the plain jane next door is sexy, but you do not have to sleep with them to know. It is all about attitude as half 'n' half put it, and it laso includes your attiude as the observer.

@Unyc: You go girl... let me know if you require any input in drafting!

@Shiroh (again): tough questions those are, and I concu that you do not have to shag anyone to form an opinion of their sexyness. It's all about the attitude they exude, and how they carry themselves in society. Pala is definitely getting lamer by the day, he is the least placed person to comment who's sexy anyway.

@Gishungwa: The Oyier's are taken, or so I hear and Jude is just... well maybe available if the words I hear in smoky Ngara bars are true!

@Mdkis: Concurred, but there are good loking Kenyans anyway, and no one want to exert any enery in looking for them for their publication when there are publicity seekers who've hoodwinked the publishers!

@Everyone: Thanks for stopping by!

Unyc said...

Those who shld hv been on that list r Eddie Olang, Sanaipei Tande, Kris Darlin..........feel free to add others

gishungwa said...

No thanks. Maybe just to look at but not to take home, reminds me of the story of who is sexier balala or Tuju, it was concluded that balala would be nice to look at and be seen with, Now tuju, is the one to take home apparently he looks "handy".

bomseh said...

Uncle moody Awory is sexy. and so is Esther Passaris. i don't know what criteria True Love was using. My girlfriend is sexier than them all but i don't say!

StackOfStiffys said...

@bomseh: and you are probably sexier than most of them if not all too, and do you even whisper about it?!!! Thanks for stopping by!

pikachu said...

hey sexy.

modoathii said...

it shoud have been '24 kenyans who think, and were lied to, are sexy'. that article (again) just proved am right in lenga-ing it every month. and who made oyuga pala a judge? jeez. just coz he gives as tired advice as i every sato.

i'm getting into media...perhaps i'll be no. 25.

bantutu said...

Modathii if you're 25 am always +1.
Stack,I just finished somain,I've bin not around....Sexy? Even that chik saw in Njooro is sexy!! Where's the justice!! True Love, well thanxx for giving us smthng to shoot down...
Hey stack du a piece on .......naaaah you du your own thang' we're lavin it man!

Shiroh said...

New post?

modoathii said...

thank you shiroh...

so niaje mad cow?

David said...

@Shiroh
is that your pic or your grannys???

lol...lol

---Supreme-G.R.E.A.M--- said...

Sundays are my favourite working days coz they happen to be out doordays. So one fine sunday before the rains started I got to meet Lorna. TV & Tabloids make her look so fine. On this sunday she looked horrible. She has bad legs. You know those thin legs and big arse or big body? Thats how she looked to me. Her boobs (sorry I looked) were to droopy for me. About the email that was doing rounds that it was her kindly check www.sex.co.ke its a porn model from the coast who happen to be a lorna look a like. I just think this reggae host in easy looked good but since she dumped the mic for 'sittalk' (with that fake jamaican accent) I just find her boring now. so boring that it would take you bloggers to remind me her name. Regina Re is good on stage and I dont watch who is smarter now that she aint the host. But pliiiiiizzzzzz, have you ever looked at her and felt she is some sort of aphrodisiacal? let me work on this in my blog as a post. read on...

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paparazzi said...

SHOKER!! I thought the truelove issue about the top24 listing of the sexiest was true but not until i met Newton,an all inclusive Ray Lavender...WHAT! might be that he should have been TrueLoves feature...

lynnette said...

Hi just checked out the 24 sexy kenyans and i have to admit its all crap! ok i admit some do desrve the title but the likes of Lorna Irungu, Angela Angwenyi and even Debbie Asila is such crap, all that can be said is they are just famous people in Kenya who have no sexiness in them! but talk about Ian Ochuka now there is a sexy man, that i can accept, also Emma although older now she still has it, Ted is ok and the rest well let me keep it to myself.

bloggedout said...

bloggers new list:
1. esther arunga
2.peninah karibe
4.janet mbugua
5.lilian muli
6.angeliq gadvi
7.cathreen kasavuli
8.jasmine
9.those three new chicks in ntv

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Christine said...

DJCK???
My sincere regrets and condolences to the families affected by the PEV that he helped sponsor. There's honestly nothing sexy about Kirubi....maybe just a seasoned life destroyer and homosexual!!!

Robina said...

do they all have to media personnel who already have much work on make-up done on them. check out the rest of the people- teachers, nurses, police,receptionists, e.t.c. Hot ones who dont even have to apply make-up to be on the list!

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